johncanlas.com

IMAC! - Have ever seen the reject desgins for the new IMAC? Of course they're goofy. Why else would you read this damn blog! HUH! Well now you can by clicking on this ! Only if the Mr. T. model came with a DVD drive, that would be such a bonus!

I PITY DA FOOL that reads johncanlas.com!!!

El Presidente - hahahahahaa...George W. Bush HAHAHAHHAA!

"This is a pitur of me .... when i gro up i want to be a cowboy! " HAHAHAHHAHA. Whew, that was damn funny. I think I tinkled in my pants.

Que Booty !? - Check this out! Say the color and not the word. I had a handle on it at the end but it was a really rough start. I wonder this means as far as my IQ is concerned or is it just a mental exercise?

"Physics is like mental masterbation."
- Mr. Rizzo [my h.s. physics teacher]

See what Care Bear you are.

I guess this was TRUE. I mean, I'm sleepy right now in this damn Quark layout class. All I need is just a nice sofa to lay down on. Please Jesus, send me down a laz-E-boi so that I may lay down in peace.

WTF? - Groom Killed By Stripper's Boobs? WTF? Too funny to even imagine... [read me]

EGG? - Ever go to McDonald's and eat the egg from that place? This morning I had the pleasure of eating there before class. I ordered the "Big Breakfast Deluxe" [that's choice A on the menu]. Anyways, as I started to dissect the contents of my meal, I found a yellow substance that might resemble a scrambled egg. Its wierd that people always make fun of places like this but continue to eat there. I'm not sure that I would even feed that junk to Kayah. I should have thrown that junk out but, I was too hungry to think otherwise.

Speaking of McDonalds, ever hear of McChina? KOOL! There's even a video!

Hello?

Hello Kitty Has No Mouth?

Blogs? - Getting into the blog scene? Yea I know its addicting. That's why your reading this right now [all two of you...]. Anyways the new 2002 Weblog Award nominees are in. Go ahead and vote! Or just check'em all out. Trust me, they're all better than this piece of dumb!

ONE! - Okie, for all those who watch Sesame Street... this movie is for you. Its about the pressures of stardom and the rise & fall of one of America's greatest couples.... Bert and Ernie. [yoinked from littleyellowdifferent]

If your into wierd games, this one is for you. Its hard to describe. Its sorta like that old school game "Millipede" and the toilet. HAHAH. Watch out, someone might shoot and thumb in your ass.

HAHAHA - Oh my. Have you ever witnessed a more beautiful prince? It could possibly be one of my titas or something dressed as a lounge singer. In any case... nice hair!

Speaking of hair. I shaved my head again. Foolish during winter... I know .. I know...

Brothel? - First women's brothel gots down under... [BAM!] What a shame. That's just what the world needs, more brothels for women. I mean, women have NEEDS also..... Fight the power!

On the other side of the world, K-mart files for chapter 11. Oh my! Looks like I have to start looking elsewhere for those super keen sweaters..... hahaha

bowling was good last night. I was happy with the results. Today is the second day of classes. Am i nervous? A little....

" I'm pissed now, Joboo. Look, I go to you. I stick up for you. You no help me now, I say, FUCK you, Joboo. I do it myself. "
-Pedro.Cerrano

army men - did you ever wonder what your little army men action figures did on their spare time? Well wonder no more, because the answer is right here!

I wonder what the G.I. Joes do to the Transformers in my closet? Maybe its like an episode of OZ. " No please Optimus Prime, I don't wanna be the bitch anymore!! "

BORED - yes. i am bored. so I took a "what kind of drink" test. I'v never even heard of this drink. I really hope I or it doesn't suck as a drink ..

Which drink are you?

Joke
Q: How long is a chinese last name?
A: Yes.

Now. I know most people are thinking huh? It took me a while to get this one. But once you got it, you understand the universe.

Back to reality, I got stuck here at work doing a whole bunch of stuff. It was truely annoying. Hopefully this weekend will be a little better. Weather men say its going to snow. Interesting that it hasn't done that all winter. You figure, hey its winter... snow is just around the corner. It's like the fall that never ended. Spring Summer FALLLLLLLLLLLLL Spring. When is this madness going to stop. Its all because of global warming. Or maybe its because chicken nuggets aren't REALLY CHICKEN! *huh?*GAASP!!!* dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnnn...... and the drama continues.

Can you say... GOING TO HELL?

SBC Packers This right HERE is a funny flash movie done with the audio from a comedian named Rex Navarrete. A filipino comedian with the classic filipino outlook on life. Don't forget. ..

If you pack with us, We'll pack with you!!!

johnsucks - damn. I made a big mistake in one of the artworks I gave out to have a sample produced. So the guy spends all day preparing for the sample production, only to find out that part of the artwork wasn't corrected. FUCK. I feel like a moron. Not only that, it was my dad who caught the mistake. Now I look like a jackass with a computer. SHiieettTt. I must have been sleep editing or something. Shit on me. Damn you john. Damn you.

On the flip side. I had to go take a leak earlier today. So I stroll into the bathroom like everyone else, headed toward the stalls. Doing the deed in one of the pissing stalls was the manager of our in-house machine shop. So I decide to take the nearest piss booth for fear of peeing in my pants, when all of a sudden I blurt out, "Hey whuts up?". FUCK! Did I just greet someone while they were taking a piss? He mumbled something on the lines of "eh okie I guess" only to be interrupted by the walkie-talkie. "Jah-*garbled*grabled*Jah?*scratch*garble". So as he's leaving, the manager goes, "ish dat choo?" [in his spanish accent in regards to the name being broadcasted over the walkie]. Being the dip-stick I am, was watching my piss hit the porcelin and mumbled back, "Nah, not me". All the while thinking, jesus.... did I just GREET another person in the pissing stall? What a jackass. Thats like two people taking a shit next to each other...

Bob: Hey....UUhherrrrr *ploop* ... Bill whuts new?
Bill: ehhhhhhh *fart* *toot* Not much... eehhh *ploop* ... how are the kids?
Bob: guuuuughErrrr *fart* *PLOOP* damn mexican food.... *Ffffferrrrtittt* Oh the kids are doing *eh* just fine.
Bill: That's good... *eh* PLOOP *whew* ...Give my regards to the *ehhhhhhhUHHH* wife for me ... *plooooop*

Amazing - Hey look, check this out! It's a SUPER posable skeleton. Try moving the little crosshairs too. This will keep you entertained for a few minutes.

If that didn't float your boat, how about a site on Phobias? These are always interesting. My personal favorite was [Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia - Fear of long words] Ironic, don't you think?

IMAC - The new IMAC !!!!! WOW. Now with DVDr ..... now i can save all my pornos... eh I mean videos onto DVD. I think I'd better save up for this one. Wait a second, its still an apple.... oh geez ... never mind, I'll stick with the hell called XP.

2002 - I just thought about this. Shouldn't there be flying cars n 'ish by now? I mean. The closest thing we have to flying cars is DVD. Scientists better hurry their ass up and make some giant robots... now dammit. Everyone knows that giant robots are the way of the future. What better way to get to work and settle arguements than in a giant robot.

John: Hey giant robot [GR], let's go to dunkin' doughnuts. I'm feelin' a coolata.
GR: Parking brake harness disingaged. Booster thrusters to full capacity. Enter target coordinates.
John: Hey relax GR, it's not really a target. I kinda wanna just stop by and get a coolata.
GR: Affirmative. Missle bay silo activated. Laser cannon site locked upon target. Ready to fire.
John: Fuckin'shiet I said GO to dunkin doughnuts.... not destroy it.
GR: Target confirmed. Missles Alpha and Omega have been released. Please enter next mission coordinates.
John: Dammit .... you suck GR..... I wonder if Starbucks is still open...

The Fast and The Furious Muffin - Dunkin' Doughnuts Coffee Cake Muffin. Try It. You might love it. Anyways almost time for a new season at school. EH-foo-Eee. School is like this itch that doesn't go away. Unless of course you buy the anti-itch cream and graduate. At least this semester will be fun-filled excitement for graphic design projects up the "arse". I'm gonna kick school's arse this semester so hard, school's mother is gonna get it.....

I went out and bought the Fast and the Furious DVD the other day. After watching it about 3 or 4 times I realized that the movie is still KooLasshellz. Mark actually found a small discrepancy in the movie. The part where "Johnny Tran" pulls up in the sweet RJ DeVera S2000 vs. the Volkswagon, he happens to be wearing a jacket. After the camera shows the S2000 from the front [also as he comes out of the car to fight "Dominic Toretto"], he isn't wearing a jacket but a black "wife beater". QUITE interesting.

Like the new picture? Its John-amp at Stonehenge in England. WEEE-WHOOOOOO.

SNOW! - Funk yeah. Today it actually snowed. Not that I haven't seen snow before, its just that we haven't seen snow all season. I was glad to finally see the white stuff come down in huge chunks. Soft enough to remind you of cotton floating down from the sky. I just wanted to run around in the slush and kick up what little snow there was. But... it was funking cold and raining, so I decided otherwise. My brother is having those wild wild fantasies about school closing. We can all hope. Too bad that work doesn't cancel over a snowstorm. That would just make my day. Now that I think about that ... no it wouldn't ... I need the money. SOOo... I wish upon no more snow for the commute. Please, Please stop!

England "ooolaganisms": Episode Two - Words which appear in parenthesis will be read with an "english accent".... "FO-Ne-Tiks" will be used to help pronounce the word correctly .

Here's a small joke we picked up along the way watching the "telly" from some comedian located at "da tup of da tah-wah" [the top of the tower]. To understand the joke you really have to try the english accent or you wont understand the punchline:

" Won nawwt, eye was at a custoom par-e n mi mate asked me....
- Oy, whut you dress ass?
- I'm dress ass a tow-iss..
- If you a tow-iss, why you got a gur angin' off ye back?
- See. I'm a tow-iss and dat's mi shell...ge it? mi shell? iss a gur..er naim ish mi-shell?"

Hahah. So I'm not sure if you got all that. But I tried my best to get the right accent down on paper. If you have trouble reading it, here's what he said:

" One night, I was at a costume party and my mate [friend] asked me..
- Hey, what are you dressed as?
- I'm dressed as a tortoise..
- If your a tortoise, why do have a girl hanging off your back?
- See. I'm a tortoise and that's "mi-shell" [my shell]... get it? It's a girl and her name is michelle? "

So did you get it? English people are funny. It's even more funny that they refused to change to the Euro. Maybe its because they feel superior to the rest of Europe. Who knows. Gee John... what's a Euro? You don't know what a Euro is by now? Your ass better CALLLLLLLLLLL somebody!!!

Rachel and Joey? - OH man. The Friends group is like a huge orgie.... or that might just be my wierd fantasy. bad john. bad. Speaking of lesbians and all, I heard the Real World has a real slutty one running around both sides of the fence. YAY. I can't wait. I'd like to thank Santa for giving us MTV and fried chicken.

What's New? - so im working on a new layout for this webpage because I'm corny. Although a very well thought out picture, the stonehenge pic just got tossed. I'll have to come up with something else to impress the ladies .... haha [oops... sorry Joy]. Being back from England made me realize a couple things. [how much is miss NJ. how much I miss the internet. how much I miss friends and family.] Now with that aside let me relate one of my experiences from the depths of London.

England "ooolaganisms": Episode One - Words which appear in parenthesis will be read with an "english accent".... "FO-Ne-Tiks" will be used to help pronounce the word correctly

My brother and I shared a hotel room during our stay in central London. One day room, a lady from room service was cleaning up just as we were coming in from breakfast. She told us in her funny english accent that she'd only take a couple minutes to finish up. Fine with me, I'll just sit here and turn on the "telly" to watch "some morrrre fubol n all dem soccer oolagans". [note: soccer is called football everywhere else but the United States.... "fookin' amerikans" ][note2: if you don't know about the soccer hooligans, you need to watch more SNL] Just as the lady was done cleaning up the bathroom, she turned to us and said:

English Ouse-keepa: "Excuse mi, can eye ooova?"
John & Mark: Huh?
John: [thinking: dafuck she say to me? damn funny english people... speak up woman.]
Mark: Ohhh yeah. Sure.
John: Huh? hey Mark, what did she just say to us?
Mark: CAN I HOOVER.
John: OOOOOhhh. "Foookin shite, blah-E el". Why didn't she say so?

[ * * insert edit comment here - for those who didn't understand the last part of my story, HOOVER refers to the company which produces the Hoover Vacum. I am presuming that the Hoover series of vacums became so popular, that the term Hoover became synonymous with the act of vacuming * * ]

hi. I'm Craig David. Re-re wind... when the crowd say "Bo-Selecta" !!!!

Fuckin' webpage ... I hate you....