My time, your time... I've already forgetten that what gave me great joy obviously came at a price... Not a terrible price, but certainly a price in which my present self will never understand the fruits of my labor. We have to trust. That's what it's about. To be completely blind and just go...
That and I'm back where I like to be, sans that special frosting ness that made my life truly all that much better. A new outlet to obsess and be engulfed in the infinite joy that it brought me... I can only hope that it can happen again. But hoping leads to disappointment. But pessimism isn't the way either. And talking is a sign of weakness. And not talking is a sign of juveniality. I'm at a loss. I want everything back. I want everything my way. I want to do a good job. I really do. But worlds are warping, commitments are breaking and everything's beginning to collapse. I need it out of my system. I need it in my system... It's a drug. It's a vice. You want a sacrifice? I could sacrifice you.
I want the frosting. I want to enjoy. Tell me to have fun. I want to do it. I want to do it all... Because it hurts.... Uhh, hurts so good? I don't know anymore. Who knows. Who knows anything anymore...?
Posted by Mark Canlas at February 25, 2003 11:35 PM