Rich kept trying to console me using the word "love", which was kinda annoying, but it was meant well... Thanks, yo.
And onto flow, we reach the funeral service of my Tita Emily who recently passed away. In my mind, all I could envision was a river of life where all the people in the room were the pebbles and rocks that formed the river bed. My cousins and such are very beautiful and handsome people, and one of them took this diesel picture of our aunt. She looked so happy and beautiful. Anyway, I was all swept up by the emotion in the room. I imagined this river of life, with all us rocks, missing a rock... A really big rock, and that was Tita Emily. Every time this priest would say her name or every time I gazed at the picture, I'd cry a little more and mumble, that's not right... It wasn't right that I didn't fully appreciate her company when I had the chance to. It wasn't right that a life like that could be plucked from the mortal coil so easily. It wasn't right that my uncle had to walk the Earth sort of alone now, lacking a person to whom he committed his life.
On faith, being in the church and randomly going through Catholic motions made me realize how much I missed being in church or how pseudo fun it was. I'm not a hardcore Christian, nor do I appreciate the views of super Christians, but at the same time, a little Catholicism, I wouldn't have it any other way. If I had kids, I'd force them to grow up Catholic. Not because I'm restricting their choice, but because I want them to have that unepiphany. I want them to know that they want or don't want Christianity. There are some points in life (like the movie Independence Day) where even the most non-religious person will collapse and wish faith upon them. That's what it is. Another form of faith in the face of darkness, and there's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with being Christian. So, today was also a reaffirmation of all the good things I liked about the church, like the music. So if I manage to snag any people that religiously go to church on Sundays, I would very much like to tag along one day.
And onto foundation... My uncle is a tough guy. I don't know him super well, but that didn't stop him from being a great family man. Before his speech (which was well written), he scanned the room, looking everyone in the eye. It was very powerful. And so on and so forth, I noticed this one particular thing before that, even. When everyone got lazy and sat down after receiving communion, he remained kneeling, in the best possible position. Upright, Catholic, perfect. And I though, wow, either he's a good Catholic, or that's the least he could do to repay his wife for a lifetime of happiness. There he stood, the only man in the entire church with the right to complain. I don't know how good he is at repairing voids, but it's difficult to fill that of your soulmate. Either way, I admire my uncle now more than ever for putting up a good front, keeping everyone entertained and happy at a time when a lot of people would just collapse.
I'm glad I cried it out of my system... It was very much a cry if others kinda thing... But that's okay, because we cried together and laughed together.
Posted by Mark Canlas at February 8, 2003 05:10 PM