Taken from in the INTJ Open group:
I am a young single INTJ and for a while I had trouble dealing with loneliness and had difficulty relating to people at the workplace and outside. I toned down my assertiveness and tried to develop my "feeling" side to appear more gentle and approachable to others. I might be suffering from low self esteem at this time, hopefully this board can serve as a support group as well to those in need of more insight. I am constantly trying to understand how i FIT IN with the rest of society. I am lonely is what I am saying, with no motivation to change that. Partly because I like being alone. But I hate this part of me, I have come more to hate being INTJ. For the longest time, I wanted to be more like other personality types, easily mingling with others and actually enjoying idle chatter, instead I find myself at the darkest corner of the room, the anti- social. Can anyone else relate? Here is the survey:is it ok to feel satisfied and content knowing that you are alone?
should you strive to get a social life, a social group perhaps, just so that you fit in, in the eyes of others, show them you are not a loner.
Where do you draw the line as to how much social you need less you burn yourself out. I know we intj's need time to recharge after being around people much.what extend would you go to fit in to the social crowd. would you even take that step to fit in in the first place, or are you comfortable just being the way you are, alone. do you feel guilty for it.
It's cool how I can finally see other people in the world that feel the way I do. Someone even replied with "Paradoxy is the alchemy of the INTJ." If that's true, then I can see why I love Taoism so much. The paradox of Taoism, which I've yet to write about, is enough to keep me going for at least two eternities.
Posted by Mark Canlas at April 14, 2004 08:39 AMHi. I'm an INTJ also, and I can relate to your feelings of loneliness and alienation. I'm going through a rough spot with this at the moment, actually, which is how I found this page.
"is it ok to feel satisfied and content knowing that you are alone?"
Of course. If you truly are satisfied and content, and you're not harming anyone else in the process, then it's absolutely okay.
"should you strive to get a social life, a social group perhaps, just so that you fit in, in the eyes of others, show them you are not a loner."
If you feel that you need to "fit in" to be happy, then you should strive to find a way to do that (without trying to be something you're not, or otherwise compromising your identity, of course). On the other hand, if you are happy being an outsider, you shouldn't do anything just to prove something to others.
"Where do you draw the line as to how much social you need less you burn yourself out. I know we intj's need time to recharge after being around people much."
I am pretty assertive about my need for alone-time. There's no sense in me going to a party if I know I'm not going to have any fun because I'm already emotionally drained. Sometimes, if it's important to a friend that I join them in some social activity, I bend a little bit (and make up for it by holing up by myself for a couple of days :). But if I am overstimulated and exhausted and I NEED some quiet time to recharge, I don't let people cajole or guilt-trip me into anything. And anyone who can't respect my need to be alone isn't worth having as a friend anyway.
"what extend would you go to fit in to the social crowd."
I never adopt beliefs or behaviors in order to fit in. (Well, almost never.) On the other hand, sometimes I do refrain from expressing the beliefs I do have, simply because I know they would offend people - biting my tongue, as it were. (I don't actually care if people get offended by my beliefs or not; I just don't want to deal with the drama that ensues when it happens.)
"would you even take that step to fit in in the first place, or are you comfortable just being the way you are, alone. do you feel guilty for it."
It's important to make a distinction between being "alone" and being "lonely". It's possible to be alone and be perfectly happy. It's also possible to be alone and be miserably lonely.
I feel both ways sometimes, but I don't feel guilty for either one. Again, if I'm happy being alone, I'm not going to make myself unhappy just to satisfy someone else's idea of how I should behave.