I don't understand what's going on... The sun is defniitely messing with me. I'm so moody and unstable, as if it was the dead of winter. I have my goals clearly defined, but I'm screwing myself over. I'm being so self-destructive, doing bad things and thinking evil thoughts... It's kinda terrible, at least I think so.
I mean, the world is all good and well, but I'm not sure what there is left to think about that will pull me out of this... Rut. Sure, you can call it laziness, but it's a little more clinical/cronic than that, right?
Achievement only brings me so far. I mean, of course it feels good, but not when you're feeling retarded as I am now... I need a new topic to focus on. Something else that's positive that will consume me...
I like it when things consume me. It makes me bilnd. And it makes the world see brighter. But right now, I'm thinking and doing the wrong things... Especially with this semester. Everything's going to hell. And I said that everything would get harder?
I mean, what's harder than Senate, eighteen credits, and employment? Oh wait, did I mention that's in the summer? And then in the fall, capping it all off, eighteen credits again, executive board, my return to chorus, vocal lessons, singing club, and clean up crew? Double-you tee eff indeed...
Maybe I should go back to my normal self and just start whining about how everyone is better than me and just pile it on. Keep piling and piling until my pain is another man's desire... To do so much, it's inhuman.
Must. Compete. Competition is blood. Competition is life (since high school anyway). I'm going to come out of college and crush everyone like little ants... And by crush I really do mean do better unto the world with some nifty HCI invention... Oh and did I mention being better than you?
Yeah, it's excessive. But at least it works. At it's a hell of a lot more pure than what I'm doing right now...
Competition it is, then.
Posted by Mark Canlas at May 1, 2004 08:36 AM