After having talked about it with Julius, I suddenly feel more close and at east about certain things in life... And yet, with this easiness, I also feel tension and fright, that brings me back to that place... That line between two parties. If I focused on the thought a little more and stopped the lingering, I'd feel more scared again. Scared enough to back down, again. Scared enough to run away and be back where I was, a place of awkward safety and longing... One might say the solution to my problem is to quash the stressor and just be off with it. I dunno.
Some might call it cold feet? Is that just it? I hate when stuff happens to me, it feels very dramatic all of a sudden... As if I tried describing the story to somebody else, no one would get it. No one would understand why I feel tension both far and close from where I want to be. And from the inside, I'd bet I'd feel another awkward tension.
As if I was to live all my life feeling awkward, no matter where I am. The question is, where will I be, and who will I be awkward with?
Posted by Mark Canlas at August 1, 2004 09:52 PM