I think my laziness is eating me alive... I have the mental mind power of a champion chess player, but I have the physical drive of a ... sloth... There's so much work ahead of me, and sadly, behind me as well.
I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so... Not... In it. I'm not in it to win it. I really amn't (heh). What to do, what to do...
All this talk about the L word, and belief, and Olympic spirit, and drive... It's starting to mean next to nothing right now... Because, as I've learned, my next milestones are proof oriented, just the way I like it. But the catch here is that I have no proof. I've done all this growth and chess movement, but it's largely been in my head. I really have nothing to show for it.
Nothing...
How to make something out of nothing... Well, that's a great exercise, but I fear there is no answer to that, for it is impossible. No, I don't like admitting things are impossible... But when I start demanding things of people and then I don't follow through, I'm not a very good leader. Actually, I'm not a good leader in the style of lead by example...
Now would be a great time to lead by example. Show the world what I'm made of. But I'm so overcome by sloth and sleepiness... Bah.
Right now... I feel like sleeping on it. As if the answer would come to me in my sleep. But great people never accomplished anything by sleeping. Or just thinking. What happened to all that hard work...
I think I just need to get the ball rolling. Then the work will start pouring out. But I need that initial go. That thing that makes me move. And... I'm feeling very rockish right now.
Just do it doesn't seem to cut it. As if I had some problem in my head... Maybe I need to go seek help.
The only thing that seems easy to perform right now is playing Warcraft. Oh that and I remembered I've dedicated my life to making things easy... So that a thought can be transformed into a vision and a reality, with the least amount of work possible... To just fathom and create.
Today, I wished I had the super power to manifest anything, in exchange for the fatigue resulted upon creating that manifestation. T'would have been a great power...
Too much wishing, not enough doing. But I heard that once you do, you do more. Once you pop, you just can't stop.
Posted by Mark Canlas at August 16, 2004 01:00 AM