I will admit. There are certain things in life that give me pause. Even make me happy. A little bit. But those things take years and years to build up, only for fleeting inspirational moments. After that? What's left.
Well, I'm here to say that none of that really matters. Never being happy is truly the only way out... It's far easier to expect nothing of the world than to tolerate lies and falsehoods that build up your hope. In the end, you're just brought down. And the only person that can take care of you is yourself.
I refuse to trust anyone or let anyone know what's really on my mind. They don't care. And they can't help. They're just.... Entertaining me. And I won't stand for it. Now or ever.
But I will note... That for all of this melodrama... I do feel petty. I do feel angsty. And I doubt this is on par with world problems like poverty or disease. I'm sorry. I don't have any of that. All I have is my biweekly salary and something to complain about. Apparently that's not enough for me.
All this... Sparked over two seconds of nothing. Two seconds worth of useless time, enough to remind me of all the things I hate in life. And how nothing in the world, no matter how comforting, could possibly amount to the aversion and hate for things I have otherwise.
Moping and brooding is what I do.
If I was ever given the chance, you would never hear from me ever again. Ever. And this is me almost not feeling bad about it at all. Because if I leave everyone to the wayside, then I can see who really cares about me. Even then... Lies.
No slight to me. I've got it.
Posted by Mark Canlas at August 7, 2005 11:21 AM