I think... What I call the Chase, others call growth. It really isn't the end product that you want. Or actually, yes, you do want the end product. But what has the most meaning? The journey. The Chase. Why? Because when it finally happens and unloads, I'm so unhappy and so unsatisfied. Because I was satisfied. And when you're satisfied, you die. It's all about the Chase. To dream about the unreal. Like a living example of futility amidst joy. We all know that some things in life are just impossible. But you know, there's just that x percent that refuse to believe (how very Matrix-esque, even though I didn't see it). They do believe, in themselves and in the impossible. For those who don't listen are the crazy people. And the crazy people are tomorrows visionaires. So let's give it up for those crazy people who love the Chase. Who love to grow. Who will never be satisfied with reality. Who will never die. Let's chase the future.
I had a dream. (This should have been a Dreamcatcher, shouldn't it...) All I can remember is that Justin, Justin Jimenez of all people (what did I recently encounter that would prime him?) was one of Them. What chapter? Upsilon. I can't even remember for the life of me where Upsilon is. Someone would be upset. And then I defended, it's been such a long time, but I swore I could do it. White jacket, symbols on the front, a wee bit of writing underneath. Funny thing, blank back. Weird. Word.
Trogdor!!!
Akin to WWJD, how would life be if I asked myself before each negative action, "that wouldn't be very heroic of you now would it..." Aww putting the hero spin ruins everything. Perfection. A must. Aim high. Don't be lazy.
Sometimes, you look at people, and you just question, what the fzck? How can someone do something like that, be like that, act like that? How can someone have so much passion for something... What can I say? Just don't question it. Admire it for all it's worth as living examples of crazy people that make the world go round.
I know a guy who won't let his hometown go. Pride, everywhere he walks and talks. That's where he lives and that's how he rolls, day in and day out.
I know a guy who'd drop what he's doing to play a game of volleyball. Any time, any place, any where. Sandcourts. Night time? Inside. Basketball game? Walleyball.
I know a guy who wouldn't give his brothers a second thought. Always giving, living, sharing, being without reserve and without aim, sometimes. For better or for worse, he's what the conservatives need. Just someone to push the envelope until it bursts open with pride.
I know a guy who let's the music run through him. All he wants to do is be that rockstar. Go up on stage, raise his hands, and have the people cheer for him. Music is his life, and he gives life to music.
I know a guy who's a level 20 Lich ranked 350 on Battle.net. I didn't say all passions were super constructive, but your love's gotta go somewhere. That's insane. That's crazy. That's love. That's devotion. It's crazy micro. Micro for life I tell you. Good game, no rematch.
I know a boy who looks to the sky. He tries all he can to climb to the stars. Sometimes he fails. He fails a lot actually. But sometimes, there are certain stars that shine brighter than others. And when he gets tired and the world in his eyes becomes hazy, those are the only stars left. That's what makes him live. He's crazy for those bright stars. Maybe one day, he'll be just as high and bright as they are. But for now, all he can do is climb and admire.
Shine brightly, always. You never know who's watching. You never know who cares. You never know what people mean to you. But I just wanted to tell you. You mean the world to me.
All they do is whine, complain, demand excellence and rule with an iron fist. Thus, I was born to whine, complain, demand, and rule. Meh. So that's where I got it from. I told you I don't do those things for nothing. Very admirable at times. Very annoying and backfireish at times.
That's what happens when you can reach deep down inside of you, look around, and make life just work out. Just run the algorithm. It's fantastic and admirable that some people are able to do that. Maybe, it seems, that in an official manner, I can't do that. Or I can't do it in the same way others can. But it's awesome.
That and... I have a problem. You two are so romanatic. Hahaha, I can't think of a better word. I have a staring problem. A longing problem. Of course I want it, but we all know that through extensive testing I don't really want it. The chase is so much better. Even the Official Chase was fun. Yes, I know, twice as fun. Anyway, romantic. Uber. Xor. Mantic. Ness. *sigh* I love you both. England loves you. Mmm... Tasty.
Tank Got for dreams and a healthy way for certain thoughts to manifest themselves. It felt so real, and I would have ended it all, as a convict in a world with no real Adams. By the way, everything follows every rule, so even the un-dragon lance is good against dragons at some point in time. And even Adams are subject to the recency effect. Let's hope they continue to endure time.
Cyclops and Xavier in X-Men. Those two guys in Lord of the Rings. Clay and Reuben on American Idol. Why do people have to be situated like that? It's creepy.
Maybe I feel that I have to do what my friends to do to be closer to them. Examples include playing piano, reading, studying engineering, drinking, smoking pot, pledging a fraternity... I'm just saying maybe. After all, Nik said something akin to my reasons for pledging should have been beyond being their friend, because being their friend could extend to other outlets. True. But I'm scoping. So they're my fraternity friends. Whatever. I'm just saying maybe. I've never really felt pressured I guess... Okay maybe I have. Maybe that's what pressure is. External pressure to the point of convincing myself to do it. I'd probably do whatever I'd do in the company of an Adam. Or a Xi. =) I'm willing to settle. I'd travel to the ends of the earth, or at least the city, with them (especially now that I know I can take on Zone 1 of London by myself). So... Peer to pressure. They're not my peers for nothing. And all I want is for them to trust me as much as I trust them. To that I do as ye. So it's not all that bad. I walk like you, I talk like you, I dress like you, and I even sing like you. That's why you're my friend.
An instant, painful smile. What more could I ask for? Thanks, Adam. You're still the best.
I promised myself that I would let go, enjoy, and not worrying so much. And I did. I made a lot of friends, I fully enjoyed myself, and I feel like taking on the world.
just never ask yourself if you could change someone's life... ask yourself if you can do it again
My friends always tell me how full screen mode in Internet Explorer is annoying and how it's for elitists... Well, am I the only one who thinks that even the sidebar is annoying? It should auto-hide. That's full screen.
What does Mark want for Christmas? A new hoodie. Maybe the moment I "lost it" was the time I realized that I didn't have my hoodie anymore. That hoodie was the best. It empowered me. Seriously. And now I want it back, or at least another one. And it has to be gray. And just as cool as the first.
I'm positive I love a cappella music and web design, without any doubt.
Distributed knowledge. Supposedly, that's when the system as a whole is aware of something, but not the individual nodes themselves. How is that possible? I guess that happens all the time, the product of synergy, which wouldn't be so apparent in its constituents...
Mark's friendly challenge and one-up: I've got my summer ahead of me and I'm very excited. I've even got the approval from a close few and that's more than fantastic. I'm ready to man up and do it all. Are you?
The forbidden experiment? Locking two language-incapable children in a room and seeing what they come up with. Ugh, ethics in the way again... (It's to discover the meaning of a "first language".) Cool-sounding phrases like "poverty of stimulus" really get to me. I want to make something as neat as that one day. The Japanese will love me because it's weird-ass English at its best, in a scientific and constructive way.
Both Wonderboy and my first psych teacher have tongue studs. I just never notice it when they talk, except for when they open their mouth relatively wide. It's a hot thing, I think. Someone once told me they French-kissed someone purely to know the feel of a tongue thing against theirs. Mmm, kinky.
Fuck-the-world beats are the best. I'm not talking about those angsty songs... I mean the ones that make you wanna shake your ass and just dance. You know that whole thing, dance like you're alone... Hellz yeah.
I hate obvious epiphanies like, "Wow, the chicken tastes real today!" or "Did you know the lecture is easier to follow if you read the book?" I'm such a Dumas...
I want to enrole in Ancient War Strategy so I can learn what the Romans and Greeks did to kick arse. I actually spent mucho time in Discrete thinking about hexagonal warfare... Like Final Fantasy Tactics on the roids. So I drew hexagons. And dreamt of hexagonal graph paper (I heard somewhere it does exist). Then I thought of movement functions and an array implementation of the battlefield... Angles between coordinates, terrain effects, charge time, six Chrono Cross elements, the five Feng Shui elements, the Magic the Gathering elemental pentagon. Then there's damage modifers like absorption, half, double, nullify, and normal.
Then my mind trailed off and contemplated a language generator, seeing what language I could come up with using the elements Brewer, Carlson, and Hall. It lead to some odd combinations like Brewerll. So I'm like why not increase the lookahead threshold to two... But then that would make the calculations more difficult and increase the need for a greater sample set. Or I could just make the lookaheads weighted instead of absolutely two. Weighting stuff solves everything. And thank goodness for fuzzy logic (or something).
Given a node with N children, we spider lines out from that node in a perfect shape to link to the child notes. From each child node, we spider out a perfect shape of the child's children, plus one (because the originating line leads back to it's parent). I've always wondered what kind of fraternal family tree I'd see. It's something I've wanted to do for a long, long time.
There are phrases like "soggy pledge" (I'm the only one that ever said that when it rained) or fishing for merits (as in you shouldn't do it).
Instead of a backpack... Brian, Frank (Discrete radio), and Ken all have that shoulder thing. Maybe I should get one? Or try one?
Sometimes, you learn to care that Jimmy cracked corn... Or that when you become webmaster, you have to take pictures of the previous webmaster's dead body. And I didn't know I gave off a solo vibe. But hey, I'm always there for anyone who's there for me. (Actually I'm mad disrespectful to some but I'll try to fix that eventually.) Oh and jackets that look freakin' diesel also have great utility (I thought of that when I was soaked and looked at everyone else that was dry when it rained.)
In some respects, I did better than you (seriously, just check out the score). But always know, I was there for you and you were there for me. Especially the second time because of your track record, dork. But like I said, you're the best dork. Thanks for keeping me awake those times in class... Poke.
Once upon a time, there was a class. And in this class there was a guy named Surf. // Once upon a time, there was a class. And in this class, there was a girl named Flirt. // Once upon a time, there was a school. And in this school was a boy who didn't really care much for people's real names but instead bestowed upon them nicknames that he would forever use to refer to them, with no inkling whatsoever towards learning their actual names. // Her name is Diane, you know? // No, her name is Flirt.
My notes would be so much more useful if I kept in mind that they could be used as a valuable resource to younger generations. Too bad I have this thing about writing notes in the margin...
My honors name is Printer. Why? One day I stepped into the Honors lounge and the first thing I said was, "Is there a printer I could use somewhere?" Forget names, you're the printer guy. You're printer. (And he's Dell.)
You'll never see the new land if you can still see the coastline.
If I rotate the duplets in an RGB color, I get complementary colors, I guess.
A most useful task: hijacking a phonebook. That's the greatest teamwork I've ever seen, even though I was still an ass, still a dictator (after getting that second folder), and still a child... At least we all decided to give Brian a break, that guy.
Taking a cue from my management teacher, who made the greatest efforts to know our names, I made a list of all the people in the class, so that I too could get to know their names, or at least try. It was an amazing thing.
And in management, I made 3D dimensional sliders and viewed the sinusoidal paths of a color sampler in a cube. It sounds complicated, but I just wanted to use the word sinusoidal. I belonged to the Irish section of the math class that never used the word sinusoidal.
In Discrete, I had the hardest time staying awake. I used food, water, and not paying attention as various methods in staying awake. Also so I could eventually pay attention. And at some point, I was like that girl should stop talking (right now, I can't even remember which girl, but that's what I wrote), and that you, you should start [talking]. And then one day, you asked a question, and I was like holy shzt. And no, nobody ever taught me how to manipulate a matrix. And then one day, I found out that Discrete was only for CS majors, and then I cried that people this stupid would be in charge of computing technology in the future.
Sometimes you whine, and you're like, "Why can't I see the video?" It's not because you're underage, it's just because of something else. And at least, I wanted to know what that something else was. And like Jamie said, I should learn to keep my mouth shut at certain times.
It became my unwritten obligation to do as you did, because even before you, there were so many great individuals, even the Great Individual himself. So yeah, I had to. And I wanted to. It sure is! Geez, where did those funny titles come from anyway...
Ugh, as a senator, I really have to make an effort contacting the HCI lady... Like repeatedly. And being on top of everything. And totally manning up.
Cars and guitars. They rhyme. That's Mike Sap (among other people) in a nutshell.
I thought you two were tight like a jimmy hat, but apparently not. It's just a club. Just a club.
I don't understand why in CIS they insist on using that book and teaching black magic. People shouldn't ever have to worry about memory management. C++ can bite me and suck my left nut.
And the award for the most life-giving efforts goes to... Adam! Which one? Well gee, I dunno. That's what steel cage TLC matches are for. Ready?
And sometimes you just dive into the world's embrace.
When I said that the planets were aligned... I really do mean aligned. Like, I couldn't have wished for anything more. Anywhere, the meaning of life is at hand, at least for the emoness inside us all. Or at least us two, and that's fine with me.
You are your brother's keeper, and he is yours.
"Expect this to be the first step toward the wholesale elimination of drive letters in a future Windows version." Thank God... No technical crap. Stuff just appears.
Honors guys named Rishi. I was like hey, is that a common name? I know a guy named Rishi. He was in a movie. I know a movie star. Nyah, nyah! (Sorry, Rish, I haven't even seen the movie yet...)
What does the world map look like upside down? I bet really weird, since all the maps everywhere everywhere are always top-oriented.
My notes tell me that at one time, I affirmed to myself that my goals were to be physically fit, be in the Psi Upsilon fraternity, be proud of myself, be a major proponent in the field of human-computer interaction, attend graduate school in Carnegie Mellon, and become a member of the Hyannis Sound. Looking physically fit is just something that takes time and effort... So not on my radar right now. Terrible, just terrible. Psi U? I've probably shattered my future with them... But like I said, they have a rich history which I'm glad I was a part of. Here's to hoping there's still a living history I can witness and be a part of still. Being proud of myself? At this rate, I pretty much want to stop time. I'm doing a terrible job. As for the HCI thing, I'm progressing in my major poorly... All I am is a senator. And I've yet to publish any signifant findings or work on any projects, which is also terrible. Graduate school is looking so far away right now... And the Hyannis Sound? That's looking ungodly. I don't even attend choir that often and my voices sucks my balls. Ugh... To the Hyannis brothers that will never be... I so wish I could even see you on stage.
I'm responsible for the death of a scholar, a son, and the keeper of the most noble truths.
So how did we come upon the mechanism of a voice? Did people just grunt? And eventually this grunting yielded utility? Amazing. Great big throat muscles they are. Remember, you start out with nothing, and then you get a voice. What's the inbetween to that?
My old roommate joined the fraternity whose house he passed out in the first week of school.
My room needs thought balloons, just like Ernie's.
Why has our body evolved into a bilateral structure? Is that like a big ass redundancy check?
I wonder if you give the computer a task, and then it stores something in memory... If you read that memory back, what would it say? In what special way did this computer encode what you wanted? Can a thought actually be stored, to fit on a floppy disk even? (I like the feel of floppy discs, even though they aren't reliable.)
I wonder if the French hate Canadians. I mean, they both speak French. Maybe the French think Canadians are fake.
If you mind makes up a truth in the absence of a fact but you're almost aware of that action, what are you left to believe? The reality is you don't know and you're trying to convince yourself of something else otherwise or you do know and are just confused.
It seems that due to the weather, I've complained at least twice, in my notes, that my shoes were wet. I guess it was a really bad problem. I hate wet shoes anyway.
The world would never be if great men always stopped at a road block.
Since I'm cleaning out my research, here are some random thoughts about life I had in cognitive science class...
I was told that having six fingers is a dominant trait, provided you even have that in your family. If that's so, why is it dominant? I was under the impression that dominant traits were the better or more normal traits, but six fingers seems hardly normal. And off of that I question, what then is the concept of a dominant trait? Is it just the one that overpowers the other traits? What's the purpose of having a so-called dominant trait?
There was this kid in my class, Mo... This kid, he looked like Eminem (it finally struck us one day who he looked like). Anyway, he was really stupid as in with his vibe I couldn't give him any academic credit. His spiel in class was having this pseudo-religious (didn't strike me as quite the follower either) bent on not believing in evolution. Somewhere in the discussion of cognitive processes do you have to talk about the origins of thinking. So that's evolution. But Mr. Mo didn't believe in evolution and couldn't even abstract himself away from actually discussing it. That and he brought up generally stupid comments in class. Even the teacher didn't like him and tried to spell out certain things, obviously directed towards him. Now, when the teacher doesn't like you, you know you're fucked. Yeah and he was in my CIS class too. Also asking stupid questions about topics already ten minutes old. Fantastic.
The appendix as an organ isn't bad... It's just not effective. That is, it's neutral, no negative points. Why it's still there and hasn't disappeared? Well one, it's too soon. I don't think we could see the dawning of a new age, a new appendix-less human in our lifetime. That'd be weird. Second of all, there's no pressure to change, which is a requirement of evolution. If there was suddenly an appendix-based plague or what have you, maybe, just maybe we'd change. A little.
In class she said spandrels. In my head, I was thinking contrivances, one of the only things I learned in Evolution in high school. Evolution was a class I took by choice. Fuck me, I should have done independent study. Class = official obligations whether you want them or not. Freedom = fuck whitey.
Why do people seem to have secret talents under hypnosis... If hypnosis only induces suggestions under a modified consciousness, then these people must possess that ability in full consciousness. Crazy, these pianists.
Possessing a concept is a great thing. Like the concept of history, self, others, time, introspection, abstraction, deception... All very difficult things to model for computer.
Can a Chinese dog interact with an American dog? Like, does it speak Chinese?
We had this discussion on whether animals think or not. The camp our teacher chose to argue with was that animals do not think, they just do. My response is that we're as animal as the next creature, so we "just do" as well. Any thinking in that we're more superior is just one more reason to think my life is solipsist. Provided that animals think, I'm willing to settle that animals do not think like humans. There's this thing about anthropomorphism and project where most people are like well if I think then Kayah (the dog) thinks. That can't really be. Kayah doesn't know what I know or has as complex processes as I do. But I will go on and say that she does have a thinking capacity of her own that's different from ours. I think that's good enough. Then there's this whole thing about the bat body... If you were in the body of a bat but you kept the consciousness of a human, implying that mind and body are different, would you be a bat or would you be a human? There's no real way to know, and this is the beginning of philosophy in psychology.
Where is the concept of math from? And why was it such a big deal to invent the concept of placeholder for nothing (zero)? Why as in... How did they come up with it.
There's adaptionist thinking... Something like a selfish gene, akin to a computer virus I'd say. It's like genes want to be expressed and fight for their expression. You, the body, you're just a big old hunk of genes slapped together. What's really happening is the war between which genes are better. They survive and they make. They make you.
So our representative... I thought she was god and I questioned why she was late to class so many times. Then I realized after my coming to class habitually late the next semester, people are still human. But you never know who's eyes are on you, and that's why every time is a time to perform.
Why are dreams so fleeting when you awaken? Right before you're awake, you make this unreasonable promise to yourself that you can remember and thus record everything afterwards. Never happens.
Aspects of a language include physical production and physical reception, mutal intelligibilty, thought (emotions, intentions, ideas, needs, "mental states"), memory, intentionality (anticipates reception), creativity/abstract thinking, onomatopoeia, consciousness, and social structure (a society).
By the way, at random, that new diwali beat on Hot 97, the song is called Welcome Home and it's by ODB (Ol' Dirty Bastard), featuring Nicole Ray.
Hmm... Need info for going to England... Flight info, hotel info, contact numbers, dossiers... The whole nine.
To the awakening of my scientific nature, if anyone would deem me as possessing such, I attribute the Game Genie. The Game Genie was the ultimate hacking tool, and my portal to understanding the malleability of video games and the accessibility of technology.
Do you look past the vices of your friends, do you ignore them, or do you hold them against your friends... What does it mean when the people I see aren't the people I envision? So I'm like, Adam, what's the point of making friends if we're never really all there... And he tells me back, we make friends and we are friends because we know we aren't perfect and we never will be, but we try. My friends and I, we suffer, and I hate that. But, somehow, they're my friends nonetheless. Pretty stupid, but pretty truthful. What else is there to know/
You look down at your wrists and the wounds are fully healed... The only scars you see are the ones left, burned in your brain. The shackles you wore were of the brightest gold... Raising a hand to touch your own face required so much pain, so much effort... And it was noisy, because there They were, right with you. You live together, you struggle together, and you die together... But your shackles are now broken and your wrists are free. The metal is of a tarnished gray, old and moldly.... The shackles lay idle, still linked, still circular, but broken nonethless. And it's only now do you realize how chains are linked together. Your shackles are bound by the chains before them, and they before them... You look down and behind you to see more chains, still very old and worn, but still very much together in strife. You tug, and the chain dances. But these chains are never yours, for they're theirs alone. But there will always be a broken circle for you were you once stood. One set of broken, faded shackles... Forever yours in the history of the chain. Don them you try, but they always slip off. Don them you try and try you forever shall. These are shackles everlasting, and there you are with a foggy shore ahead of you. And bound to you by the greatest degree was the most sacred chain ever, still in tact, still linked to your broken placement. Beyond that, a world of possibilities, stories, and the space between the links.
No matter how hard you try, you just never reach that state of perfection that you want. Even right in front of your Judges did you fail to impress. But that's okay. The effort, the try, that's perfection. Keep trying because you're infinite.
Quality time just lost it's fire... Wonk wonk. Don't worry dude, it's all for you.
Yeah! w00t! Quality time! YEAH! ROCK!!!
Let's say a teacher gave you the option to make the class cold and concrete in addition to wafty and philosophical. That is, class discussions is half your grade and the final exam is the other half. Then, his option is to say... For however many mindless chapter reviews you complete, up to ten, I'll make that one third of your grade, reducing the final and class discussions to a third each. He stresses that there's no penalty for not doing the articles... But you have the option to and it changes your grading scheme accordingly. Is that fair? Is that even possible? Like, why would anyone displace their work into smaller assignments which they still have the potential in making a mistake in... Why wouldn't they?
Any easy solution to any problem. Why do what you do? And why do it proudly and to it's fullest until your dying breath? So you have something to talk about when you run and tell your hero. He'll be proud. And that makes you infinitely happy.
Reality and breakdown aren't good enough for anybody. I've learned that it just isn't feasible. It's something that should never be done. And yet I dream that one day I'll have this dramatic breakdown. And the world will come running to me. But when other people have their breakdowns, it's ilke, they're weak... They're so very weak... I have to grow up invincible. Even if I'm not, I have to live life with an infinite supply of energy, an infinite supply of drive and effort to keep me going... In the face of shit, in the face of difficulty, in the face of reality... I have to make my life the hardest game possible. Where I must win. This isn't about being bitter when you lose. It's about trying again when you lose. And again and again and again. And never getting tired. And showing the world that they're full of bullshit and that you're not. Where everything in life is an impossible goal that must be reached. Nonstop. No rest for the weary. None. Whatsoever. WInners don't quit. Winners don't rest. Winners don't sleep. Winners get A's, do everything and do everything well. I have to be a winner. There's nothing else for me to do. If I don't do that, then I am nothing. I have do it. I'm born to do it. Even when I don't want to. Even when I don't want to. Maybe I don't want to. But I have to. There really is no thing to the world. It's all a bunch of bullshit that I'm programmed to rise above. I know my mission. I know my right answers. I know what I have to do. Suck up the pain. Keep on going. Of course you can do it. No you can't. Blah blah. It's all meaningless. It must go away and I must be on top. That's what the world is to me. No breakdowns. No dramas. No stops. Keep going. Nonstop. There will be no prize until you're finished. And you know what? There is no finish. The equation just keeps on going and you keep on suffering. But oh no. It's not suffering. It's the pain of hard work. The pain of accomplishment. The pain of the most bullshit I've ever heard. But that's the world. A bunch of bullshit. And I'm the unbullshit boy. I have to be there. I have to be. For me... For you... For anyone else that programmed me and that I'm programmed for. Life must proceed. There are no stops. There are no breaks. No rest.
Reality is painful. And through that pain, you are rewarded with the most infinite joy that you will never, ever have. Come close. Come closer. What is it that you want? And what is it that you will have to do? Move heaven and earth if you have to. Because you know you have to. That's what you're here for. That's why I am.
The day I died was the day I didn't listen to you.
When you settle, you die. Don't ever, ever settle.
I found one or two... One or two things that made me blind again. What can I say or do to make up for the loss? Just proceed and be blindly happy.
A time is the time is my time is the best time ever.
Just because your professor is stupid doesn't mean he's not your professor anymore.
No one ever scolded people who plugged away. Enjoy.
The world is spelled out for you. Why can't you read?
Taking a dive... It's so... Intriguing. Goddamn curiosity/apathy.
Dear Mark, have fun with the chase. Sincerely, A Murdered Man.
My first motion as a senator will be to hurt all the FOBs at the library who aren't doing their jobs.
All the substance went away. All of it. I just can't see it anymore, other than a fading chemical trail. It was a great, rich history. But I'm at a loss as to its actual utility in the Grand Equation... Umm, yeah.
IM me when you're board, where board means stiff, and stiff means hard.
I can't really resist. I have to be aware and listen. I am the material. I'm a go-getter.
What is it called when you totally dive into someone else, and then they don't give back? You're all about them, all the time. You give and you give and you give. Anything for them. You would stop the sun from shining and the earth from revolving all for them. But they don't do exactly in return unto you. It's not that they don't mean to... Or at least that's what you think. It's just... They don't return. Reciprocate. You're all about them, but they're not all about you. And yet, in your blindness, you can never hold that against them, because you're so caught up in how great they are. Forever and always. Because the mere thought of them makes you infinitely happy. So what is there to worry about.
I can't be jaded or be your cynic when I can't understand what those words mean... I might be them, but theyr'e beyond me. It sucks when your reading comprehension is negative, yet your writing ability is somewhat acclaimed. Thank you to those who believed in me. PS, turtles have friends.
Where's my apathy? If the annoying feeling just doesn't go away... Well, I guess, bonus points for you.
I'm going to proceed like the best and wait for the best to come home. He'll definitely know what to do. History tells me so, and I have first-hand evidence. Until then, London awaits.
This whole "refusal to die" thing is really moot when it's overshadowed by laziness. Ugh, I guess that's what seperates the ordinary from the extraordinary...
Obligations produce a source for utility. Now that they're gone, I feel that hanging around is completely useless. Painful even. Useless like no raw utility. What I need now is an activity, a great and useful one, that will meet the lesser of my needs... The more annoying set, since hanging around doesn't feel like the most effective answer, even if it's the most popular. Ahh, what a cyclic problem... The need for invitation, the need for gravity, the need for utility... I'll just have to look a little harder. To me, that'll be a truth. Or at least a different one. The only one I have to work with, because none of us could know any better.
The planets were aligned, just as I wished. And now... I don't know if I made the most of my wish. Like I threw it all away. But if life just is, then why do I feel all icky about the truth?
Track record dictates I've already slipped into oblivion. I've proven myself against it once already, and I'm pretty sure I can do it again. Fuck track record. I refuse to die.
How far will patience and listening get me, even when I don't have my infinite pool happ-appathy with me. Happathy.
I totally forgot. Not only did I lose my place among by peers here, but also of those back home. Crazy Academy kids. Ahh fuck me. I can't believe I did that. Time to, uhh, "work hard" to make up for the lose... Fuck me. Mehr... Of course it's not everything. But people like to think it is. And it's fun that way. I swear it is. I have the greatest and most dramatic stories to tell.
Time proceeds whether you want it to or not, whether you know or don't know it does. I need to be consumed, quickly. Running around blind is way more fun than walking timidly.
One less argument is just another elsewhere. Please stop.
Why are we where we are? Why am I where I am? I came from a great history, and I know where I want to go. But sometimes, the presents seems way too shallow. Too fickle, too volatile. What happened to the hopeless moments and dreamy Saturdays?
I don't want to displace my joy. Only you make me happy. =)
When I use words like "rock" and "amazing"... I can't look out at a certain set of commercials without feeling a little proud or longing. At least I went out in style =)
When software uses standard widgets.
I can answer my own question and affirm "uncategorized" is a category, according to Microsoft Outlook. And for the historical record, there were other, classic individuals involved. Congratulations. I don't know you. But then again, faith taught me I don't really need to know. PS - I was in the anti-groupie group. All we did was make fun of the groupies and mock how they'd hang out together. We would do this. While hanging out together. Insisting we would never fall pray to that kind of... Thing.
Is it really better to have love and lost than to just Matrix the world? If you're in the Matrix, you really don't know any better. There's no pain. But if you know what pain is... You know what joy is. Those polarities start introducing concepts like faith and hope... Silly hope.
Why does life seem so cyclic... I feel ill.
Six degrees apart from anything you want or anyone you need to know. But, some people can't handle that extra degree. It requires effort.